Concrete angel:
The doctors give him a proper sling for his arm: luckily it’s just fractured slightly, so it will be fine in a couple of days. They also do a Sexual Assault Forensics Exam and various other tests. Josh asks me to remain outside, so only he, Jared and the examiner know exactly what happens in there. All I know is that when Jared comes out of the exam room, he’s shaking to his figurative boots.
Josh does hand me the stack of Polaroids, though. And it’s more than enough to give me nightmares for the rest of the year.
♥
Jared steps out of the bathroom with the towel around his shoulders. The boxers I gave him are too large, barely hanging onto his thin hips and I nearly punch a wall at the sight of clear finger-shaped bruises just disappearing below the waistband.
He shivers, looking so lost and nervous that I immediately jump up, “Come on, Jare. Let’s get you sorted.” He follows me silently to the bedroom. “Can I put more cream on your bruises? I know the doctors gave you some antibiotics, but this should help you sleep.” I murmur softly.
Startled, he glances up at me, then down at his bruised chest, instinctively covering them up. I don’t say anything as I dig for some more Arnica cream.
Nudging him towards the foot of the bed, I tug the towel from his shoulders and open the tube. But when he hisses as he sits down, I realise something that makes my stomach sink lower then my shoes, but I grit my teeth to stop myself swearing and throwing things around, I don’t want to scare the kid any more.
Swallowing thickly, I begin to rub the cream over his chest and back. He shivers as my fingers slide over the bruises at his hips, but the worst is when I have to put some on his cheek. His hazel eyes peer up at me in confusion, shimmering slightly, and so heart-wrenching that I nearly start crying myself.
Pulling back the covers of my bed for him to slide carefully in, I run a soothing hand through his hair and smile down at him, “Go to sleep, Jared… It’s okay. He’s not going to hurt you… not while I’m around…”
As he slowly relaxes down on the bed, looking even more innocent and fragile, I tug the dark duvet until it covers him to the chin.
“Night, sir…” he breathes.
I laugh hoarsely, “Call me Jensen…”
“Night, Jensen…” he mumbles obediently.
“Sleep well, Jared.”
I head out the room and carefully shut the door behind me.
Josh is on the phone, probably talking to CPS again, so I head towards the kitchen, pouring myself some juice. I begin pacing aimlessly, until I’m unable to stay still any longer, so I head towards the bedroom.
“Jensen,” Josh stops me, holding a hand over the mouthpiece of the phone.
“I’m just checking that he’s okay…”
After a short silence, Josh nods, “You know…he’s very attached to you too.”
I smile softly and push open the door.
Jared’s curled up in a fetal position, hugging a pillow tightly to his chest; his face slack and tilted upwards, resting on his hand like a small child. He’s absolutely adorable.
In the slitting light of the world outside through the blinds, I examine him for what feels like the first time. Reaching out to brush the still slightly damp bangs out of his face, I smile as he turns into my touch.
There’s just something about him that tugs in my chest, something in the sadness and silence that makes me want more. I want to see him smile and laugh and run and play like a normal teenager. I want him to be happy.
Beneath the bruises, it’s clear that he’s extremely handsome, with stunning eyes and fine features. He could have all the girls chasing him, and I’ve heard from some of the other teachers that he’s really sharp. He has a lot of things going for him.
And it kills me that the one thing going against him should be the thing he gets most of his support from. How can a father do this to his son? It just doesn’t make any sense. Shouldn’t a father be the solid wall to turn to when a child needs help?
Jared lets out a soft snuffling sound and I grin down at him, reaching out to stroke through his hair, before suddenly realising that I really shouldn’t be doing this.
Sighing quietly, I grab a nearby chair and set it beside the bed, wanting to stay in case he needs anything.
♥
I must have drifted off, because a few hours later, the sound of harsh sobbing has me jerking awake.
He’s thrashing around, crying and pleading for something to stop. His back arches and he buries his face in the pillow, “Please… I’m sorry… sorry… Please… don’t….”
Unable to stand it, I move towards him, running a hand down his side, calling softly, “Jared, hey, man. You’re okay…. You’re safe….he can’t hurt you here….”
Jared gasps and twists, his body trembling under my touch. When I squeeze his arm slightly, his face convulses, and he breathes, “Please… please…”
I shake him again, “Jared, wake up, it’s a dream… it’s just a dream!”
With another shudder, he falls still, his eyes fluttering open. Slowly, he focuses on me and croaks out softly, “S…sir?”
Smiling in relief, I brush a hand over his cheek, “It’s Jensen, remember?”
As his eyes dart down towards his bare torso and then back at me, he flushes and his hands come up to shield himself from me. Swallowing thickly, I head towards the dresser, pulling out a warm long-sleeved shirt. “Here, this should fit you,; it’s a bit small for me.”
He’s so tall he should be bigger than me: if he was properly fed, he’d fill out and be able to wrestle me easily. But as it is, due to that bastard of a father, he’s like a pole. A flush of anger sweeps over me and I have to step away.
Slowly he pulls it on, looking back up at me with confusion swirling in his eyes. “Sir… Jen… Jensen?” he asks softly.
“Yeah?”
“Are you…” he ducks his head again, “Are you mad at me?”
My breath hitches at how easily he reads me and I automatically move forward, pulling him into a reassuring hug, “No, Jared… I’m not mad… Not at you… I’m mad at your father… he should never have hurt you like this…”
Jared begins shaking in my arms, but when I think I’m hurting him and try to pull back, he only clutches harder. “He’s… he’s going to be… angry…. He’ll… he…”
“Shhh,” I rest my chin on the top of his head, rocking him softly, “It’s okay, Jared… It’s okay… I’m not going to let him near you… not if I can help it, okay?”
As I feel him relaxing, I pull him closer to me, shifting so my back is against the headboard and easing his head down on my chest, letting him curl beside me.
Keeping an arm firmly wrapped around him, I ask gently, “How’re you feeling?”
“I… better… I feel better…”
“Good,” I breathe into his hair, “That’s very good.”
♥
When Josh walks in the next morning, it’s to me lying on my back with Jared curling around my chest, his arms hugging me tightly. Josh frowns slightly, letting me know that he’s not entirely comfortable with the sleeping arrangement.
But when Jared, disturbed by my movement, lets out a muffled sound and presses closer, Josh’s eyes soften and warm, a fond smile spreading over his lips.
Taking the seat, he whispers quietly, “Yesterday, the CPS sent people to Jared’s house. They found bloodstains on his sheets and his clothing wardrobe was nonexistent. The kid has virtually no possessions. With all the forensic evidence from the hospital yesterday, there’s enough to substantiate that he’s been abused, so they gave me permission to keep him in care for the night. I came in to tell you, but you were already asleep.”
I nod slowly, “So does that mean…?”
“It means that CPS is still doing their stuff, but because it appears that Jared is in immediate danger, they’re allowing me, as a certified police officer, to foster him in the meanwhile.”
A grin spreads over my face and I heft Jared closer, “So that bastard can’t touch him again, right?”
Josh nods, “Yeah, well, we’ll have to see what the CPS find, they’re going to be interviewing neighbours and other teachers at the school, pupils, everyone who might have noticed something… Jared’s dad and stepbrother will probably be taken in.”
“What was the father’s reaction?”
“He’s furious, absolutely outraged that anyone would accuse him of abuse; he goes on and on, coming up with a solution for everything.”
“What did he say the blood on the sheets was?” I growl softly.
Anger flashes in Josh’s eyes, and he spits out, “Apparently, Jared gets nose-bleeds in the night.”
“The bastard,” I snarl, disturbing Jared and making the kid whimper. Running my fingers soothingly through his hair, I press my lips to the side of his face and whisper softly, “Sorry, it’s just me…”and he relaxes again.
Josh checks his watch, “I’m going to head to the station here, do some work. You take care of him.”
When Josh leaves, and there’s no one here to tell me off for gazing sappily at the sleeping kid, I can’t take my eyes off him. A bubble of warmth swells inside of me, getting larger with each passing moment as I cradle him closer. His lips are parted slightly, his eyes fluttering behind his lids, and the bruises only serve to make him look even more innocent. He’s like an angel.
A blush spreads over my cheeks at the thought, but it’s so true. Broken and bruised, yet so fucking beautiful it makes my chest ache. And the fact that he’s curled up in my arms, trusting me while he sleeps, only increases the ache.
There’s a soft yawn and his sleepy eyes blink open, only to widen as they land on me. The way he leaps back should have been expected, but it still makes me feel like I’ve been slapped, and the bubble inside of me sadly deflates.
His wide eyes dart between us, relaxing when he realises we’re still fully clothed.
“Hey,” I murmur softly.
Ducking his head, he slowly sits down on the bed, “Hi… Jensen…”
I shoot him a smile at my name and slide out of bed, “Come on, you must be starving.”
As if on cue, his stomach lets out a rumble and I burst out laughing. He just flushes and looks mortified, “I’m… I’m sorry…” he mumbles, flinching when I move towards him.
“Hey, Jared, it’s okay… Listen; let’s get something straight now…. Okay? Firstly, I will never and I mean never hurt you. It doesn’t matter whether you think you’ve done something bad or not, I won’t ever hit you or hurt you in any way, neither would Josh, so you don’t have to be scared of us…. Secondly, I want you to trust me. I know you barely know me and everything’s been happening very fast, but I really do care about you… so you can just relax. I know it’s weird because I’m kind of your teacher, but I’m only twenty-five, I don’t think I qualify as an old geezer yet, what do you think?”
A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips and he shakes his head, “Not yet.”
Grinning, I nod towards the kitchen, “Come on, what do you feel like?”
He stares blankly at me, and I ask softly, “You feel like pancakes?” When there’s no response, I nod, “Okay, pancakes it is.”
The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you
♥
♥
“Jared, what do you want to watch?” I probe gently, gazing at the kid curled on the opposite side of the couch.
“I… I don’t… don’t know what’s good,” Jared mumbles, his face flushing adorably again.
Barely stopping myself from tucking the kid in my arms and never letting go, I grin and slide over the remote, “Just flick through until you see something you think is interesting. I’m going to make coffee. You want some?”
“Uhm…”
“Or hot chocolate?”
Jared head snaps up, his eyes wide and hopeful. “Please…” he stutters, “Hot…hot chocolate...”
Frowning slightly at the odd behaviour, I nod slowly, “Okay, I’ll be back in a sec.” And if I take extra care to make the perfect cup, well, no one’s going to know.
When I return, Jared hasn’t touched the remote, isn’t even looking at the TV.
“Hey,” I nudge him slightly, sliding the mug over, “You okay?”
Jared doesn’t reply, his eyes fixed on the steaming beverage. Silently, with a trembling hand, he reaches out for it.
When he takes a sip, a muffled sound escapes his lips, much like a sob, and he jerks, spilling some on his pants and a bit on the couch. Leaping up and spilling even more, he starts a mantra of apologies, desperately trying to wipe the hot chocolate from the seat, but actually making more of a mess.
Falling to his knees on the floor, he turns his tear-streaked face towards me, “I’m… I’m so sorry… I’ll… I’ll… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
Quickly moving before him, I reach out to soothe him, but he just recoils, raising a hand to protect himself. From me.
I ignore his begging and shying away, and instead just firmly grab his arm, pulling him up onto the couch and into my arms, pressing his face against my chest and cradling his head.
He just begins sobbing even harder, apologising through his tears even as he clutches desperately at my shirt.
“Shhhhh, Jared… it’s okay… I’m not mad… I’m not mad…. Never mad at you, okay? What’s the matter? Jared…. Please… tell me what the matter is.”
“My….my… made… I…the day…” Jared’s sobs incoherently, his tears seeping through my shirt and making me press him tighter against me.
“It’s okay, Jay… it’s okay… Come on, kid… look at me.” I brush his hair from his face, smiling gently down at his blinking form. “There you go… that’s better.” As my fingers trail down his cheek, wiping the dampness away, his eyes flutter closed, his body leaning minutely into my touch, and for a moment there, I can’t breathe.
Once we’ve both calmed down, I gently nudge him, getting a muffled, “Wuh?” from my chest.
“What do you say we get this mess cleaned up and head out to the park? Get some fresh air?”
He nods slowly and pulls away with a sheepish grimace as his eyes fall on the wet spot on my shirt. Glancing around at the couch cushion, he winces as well. “I’m sorry…”
“Hey,” I interrupt him, ruffling his hair fondly, “It’s okay, and it was an accident. It’s not like I haven’t done worse. Besides, it’s easy to clean up.” Quickly unzipping the pillow case, I peal it from the cushion and head towards the washing machine, bundling it inside.
“Come on, let’s find you some other clothes.”
I get him to try on various items from my dresser, finally settling on a nice black button-down shirt and some slacks, which unfortunately slide halfway down his ass but still barely reach his ankles. “We should go buy you some clothes that fit,” I murmur, determinedly not checking out his ass.
“I…” he shifts awkwardly, his face beetroot, “Sir- Jensen, I don’t…. my dad…I don’t have any money for clothes.“
Moving towards him and adjusting his collar, I smile at him, “I know that, kid. I’m going to get you clothes.”
His eyes dance away and his tongue swipes out over his lips, an annoying habit he has when he’s nervous, which drives me absolutely crazy, “Jensen… I can’t… you don’t have to… I don’t… I don’t need anything….”
“Jay…” I let out a soft sigh, “Look, I want to buy you clothes, I want to look after you. Just let me, please?”
I track the movement of his throat as he swallows, and I smile at his hesitant nod. “Great, I’ll just go get changed, then we can go to the mall via the park.”
As I’m about to step out of the room, his soft voice stops me. “Jensen….”
“Yeah?” I turn with a raised eyebrow.
“Thank you.”
Feeling my cheeks heating up, I clear my throat and nod jerkily, before quickly fleeing the room.
♥
The delight that lights up his face serves as a kindle in my chest, warming me up from the inside, making it impossible for me to not return his dimpled smile. Standing on the top of the jungle gym, his eyes turned upwards towards the skies, and his face happy and relaxed, Jared makes an image I won’t forget for a long while.
“Jen,” he calls, his excitement causing him to shorten my name without thinking about it, “Come up, please. You have to see what it looks like.”
Grumbling to put on a show, I make my way up, moving to stand beside him, “Goddamn kid. Can’t you see I’m an old man?”
“Sure,” he replies with a laugh, tugging me closer and pointing, “Look, can you see?”
“What?” I squint in the direction of his finger.
“There, can’t you see them?”
“What exactly am I looking for?” I ask, shifting that tiny bit closer to him just because I can.
“The chicks,” he replies with a shake of his head as if he’s wondering why I don’t see them.
Ignoring the sinking of my stomach, I glance around at the ground, “Dude, what chicks? There’s no one here.”
The look he sends me is of utter confusion, but he moves right up beside me, pointing again, “There, in the tree. Can you see them?”
Peering through the foliage, I spot the nest and nearly sag with relief at the fact that he’s ogling birds. Shooting a glance at his complete joy at watching them, I murmur softly, “They’re gorgeous.”
Perfectly happy to let Jared bird-watch, I lean back against a metal bar, eying him and wishing he could always be this carefree. He’s just so full of life, practically glowing with it now that he’s in the warm sunlight, and I realise this is a glimpse of the person he actually is. Behind the fear and pain, there’s this young, bouncy kid with dimples and a grin wider than Texas, and he might just be wedging his way into my chest.
Then, as if a switch has been flicked, he falls still, his dimples dropping away and sorrow claiming his face once again.
“What is it?” I ask softly, moving to stand beside him again, our shoulders pressed together.
Eyes still fixed on the nest, he whispers his reply, “Their mother is there.”
I glance at the birds and watch the big bird diligently feeding them as they all chirp away, then I shift closer to Jared, wrapping an arm around him and squeezing him gently. “Let’s head on to the mall, shall we?”
After leaning into me for a few seconds, he pulls away with a nod, sending me a small but grateful smile over his shoulder, “Yeah.”
♥
“What about this? This one’s nice,” he murmurs, coming out of the booth wearing a pink shirt that I am certain was not in the pile I dumped in his arms.
“Uhm…. It’s pink…”
His grin just widens and my resolve to toss the pink shirt back over a clothes rack crumbles. Waving a hand with a resigned air, I just groan, “Fine.”
Catching him eying various other hideously colourful items, I quickly move forwards, steering him towards the normal stuff and shoving a few things at him. “Try these.”
Numerous piles later, we finally have a heap of stuff that not only fits him, but also makes him look as hot as he is. After seeing him in one of the tight, black shirts, it took me a while to get the flush from my cheeks and I had to fake a coughing fit. Jeans were more of an issue, due to his thin waist and insanely long legs, but we eventually managed to get him some.
As we head towards the register, Jared begins shifting anxiously again. “Jen…” he starts, running his fingers through his hair, “I…”
“Jay…” I growl in warning, causing him to fall silent immediately, dropping his gaze to the floor. Reaching out, I gently squeeze his hand, “Like I said before, I want to do this for you.”
The smile that spreads on his lips is warm, not as wide as his full dimpled one, but somehow more intimate. Squeezing my hand back before pulling away, he wanders over to the nearby fish-tank.
It’s nice to watch him without any tension in his body, completely relaxed as he splays his fingers against the glass, peering down at the brightly coloured fish. He’s definitely an animal person.
I’m just wondering whether a puppy would fit in my place when the woman behind me gives me a tap, and I realize I’ve been standing motionless and staring at Jared for the past few moments.
Flushing, I quickly hurry towards the counter.
♥
When we get back to my place, it’s to find Josh and an older man sitting in the living room. They both glance up as we enter, and as Jared shuffles behind me, I reach back to soothe him silently.
“Jensen,” Josh finally says, “This is Jim. He’s from CPS.”
“Hi,” I step forward, shaking the man’s hand.
Jim nods, his eyes falling on Jared, “Hey, bud. How’re you doing?”
After glancing nervously around, Jared mumbles, “’m okay…”
“Good, good. Now, I was wondering whether you’d be okay to chat a bit…”
Jared shoots me a pleading look and I immediately step forward, “Jim, it’s quite late, and we’ve had a busy day. Would you mind if we did this tomorrow?”
Jim’s eyes focus on me, seemingly summing me up, but eventually he nods, “Sure.” He turns back to Josh, “Sergeant, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
As Josh goes to see the man out, I gently steer Jared towards the bedroom, where I begin packing his clothes in alongside my own. He silently heads towards the window, staring out. “Thank you. I don’t… You’ve been… It’s the first time…” he turns, his eyes filled with gratitude, “Thank you.”
“You deserve it, you know? Your father has no right to treat you like crap. You deserve to be cared for.”
Jared’s gratitude doesn’t even waver slightly. “But you don’t owe it to me. I’ve done nothing but spoil your sweater, cry all over your shirt, spill hot chocolate all over your couch… and you… you’ve given me… today was probably the best day I’ve had since I was five.” He laughs dryly and turns away.
Moving to stand behind him, I can’t stop myself from reaching out, placing my hands on his waist, ignoring his cringe at the sudden touch as much as I can, and pulling him into my arms. With my nose pressed to the side of his neck, I breathe, “Well, it was one of the best days I’ve had too.”
This time his laughter is more real. “Sure, yeah, right… like I’ll believe that.”
I tighten my arms around him, “Fine, so I lost a sweater that I didn’t really like anyway, got a few tears on my shirt, I got some hot chocolate stains on my couch, none of that matters. I like hanging out with you.”
He sags back against me, hands flittering lightly over my own as he murmurs, “Sure…”
Resting my forehead against his shoulder for a few moments, I concentrate on inhaling his warm scent and try not to drift off. Jared squirms slightly, letting out a small giggle that has a grin spreading over my lips as I spin him around. “Dude, you’re ticklish!”
“I am not,” Jared protests stubbornly, even as he dissolves into laughter under my sneaky fingers. “Ahh, no… no… Please… Stop!” he pleads, but I’m so delighted to be the cause of his laughter that I just continue.
We both jump as the door bangs open, and Jared’s laughter falls away as he sees the anger on Josh’s face, immediately ducking behind me, hiding his face in the dip of my shoulder, shivering as if he’s expecting a beating.
“Jensen, what are you doing?” Josh all but screams.
“What am I doing? I’m not the one terrifying Jared right now!” I yell back.
Seemingly struck out of a daze, Josh glances at the kid, his face paling as he realises what I’ve said is true. “I just heard… and thought…”
“Thought what?” I get out, suddenly furious with my brother, “That I’d ever hurt him?”
“No… no… I just…” Josh looks away guiltily, “What were you doing?”
“Tickling, why? Is that against the rules or something?” I snarl back.
“Please…” Jared soft voice whispers, the boy tugging nervously on my sleeve, his eyes wide when they meet mine, “Please don’t fight….”
Josh moves towards us, reaching out to rest his hand on Jared’s shoulder, squeezing slightly as he murmurs, “It’s okay, I’m sorry for scaring you.” He looks up at me apologetically, “Jensen, can I quickly talk to you outside?”
Once we pull the door shut behind us, Josh glances at me, “I’m sorry, bro. I never thought you’d do anything like that… I just… I really don’t want Jared to get hurt… He’s been hurt by so many people who he should be able to trust and I just heard sounds of him struggling and it just… I didn’t put it together that it was you in there with him. It was just an automatic response. I really care about the kid and I’m gonna make sure the bastards who hurt him get what they deserve.”
“Hear, hear,” I wholeheartedly agree. “And it’s okay, I know how you feel: that kid’s really growing on me. It’s like… I have to look after him or I won’t feel whole, you know? He’s just… he’s like… like a dusty box that’s been tossed around it’s whole life, but when you take the trouble to wipe the dirt off, you see what a beautiful box it is… and don’t even get me started on the personality hiding inside the box….”
Josh chuckles softly, “Damn, I’ve missed your similes.”
“Wish I could say the same for your paranoia.”
“Oh, ha ha. You’re hilarious.”
“Why thank you.”
Josh shakes his head with a grin, “Come on, let’s see what the kid feels like for supper.”
♥
After a cheerful meal of spaghetti bolognaise, Jared begins yawning and despite his attempts to hide it, I’m not fooled. “I think it’s bed time.”
“No…I’m fi--” Jared’s cut off by another yawn.
“Uh huh. Okay, so… bed….” I glance at Jared, wondering whether I can get away sleeping with him again, but he just ducks his head with a blush.
Josh clears his throat, “Well, I’m off to the spare room. Night, boys.”
Busying myself with packing the dishes in the dishwasher, I hear Jared quietly putting away the other bits and pieces from the table.
Finally, he breaks the silence, “Jensen… I… would… can… I mean…. It’s a big bed… I…” he trails off, gaze fixed on the tiled floor, and I feel giddy with relief.
“Yeah, it is a big bed…. You sure you don’t mind?”
“No, of course not. I mean… it’s your house anyway.”
“Okay. Let’s go to bed then.”
He shoots me a dimpled grin and wanders towards the bedroom, stopping at the door. “Can I use the bathroom first? Do you mind?”
“Nah, go ahead, I’ll use the other one.”
♥
♥
He’s still busy when I get to the bedroom, and it takes me a few moments to decide whether or not to wear a t-shirt. Eventually I leave it off as it’s quite a warm night, and I slip under the covers in only boxers.
A few moments later, he emerges in a cloud of steam, clad in his new pyjama bottoms and a soft tee, freezing as his eyes fall on me. A deep flush creeps over his cheeks, but he just ducks his head and moves towards the empty side of the bed.
“Jay… if it makes you uncomfortable, I can easily crash on the couch. It’s not a problem.”
“N… no…,” he stutters, “It’s… it’s fine… don’t worry… I’m just… sorry…,” he shuffles under the covers and pulls them right up so only his eyes are peering out.
I send him a small smile and reach over to flick off the light. “Night, kid….”
“Night… Jen… Jensen.”
After lying in silence for a few moments, I speak into the darkness, “You can call me Jen if I can call you Jay, deal?”
There’s a soft huff of laughter and the bed shifts, “Deal.”
I grin at the ceiling.
♥
It’s a welcome surprise to wake with him sprawled across me, but it’s a mission to free myself from his clutches. Finally Josh emerges in the doorway, bursts out laughing at my predicament, but dutifully helps me untangle myself.
We both grin as Jared just lets out a small snuffle and curls up in the spot I’ve just vacated, hugging the pillow tightly to him.
I follow my brother out the room. “Any news?”
Josh’s face darkens, “Mr Terrichine has been causing problems with CPS. But some samples have been taken from Jared’s house for tests; the results will be back sometime today.”
“What sort of tests?”
“Semen, pubic hair, saliva. They can use them as evidence to further substantiate the statement Jared gave me. If the DNA found on Jared’s bed, on his clothes, is the father’s or the stepbrother’s, we have a solid case.”
“Oh… God…” I breathe, trying to steady myself against the counter.
Josh just grips my elbow and lowers me to a nearby stool. “Jim’s coming round in a bit, he wants to talk to Jared about his options.”
“His options?”
“Well,” Josh looks away, “Jensen, you know we can’t keep the kid here. The case, after the test results come back, will be sent to the Juvenile court. They’ll probably remove all custody from Jared’s father, and make the boy a ward of the state.”
I bury my head in my hands and try to breathe normally. “You mean… he’s going to be taken into the CPS system? Dragged through foster home after foster home when he could just be happy here? Josh… I really care about him… I don’t understand how it’s possible for me to care so much about someone I’ve only known for a short while, but I do. I just… why can’t he just stay here? I’ll help him find a job nearby if he wants to be more independent, he’s got good grades so he can probably get a scholarship to a university… he can… he’ll be happy…”
I feel him sitting beside me. “I know… Jensen, fuck, I don’t want it either, but… we’ve been damn lucky that they’ve allowed him to stay here while they’re doing the screening. “
“Fuck… fuck… fuck…” I grind out through my fingers, ignoring Josh’s warm hand squeezing my shoulder.
“Jen?” a small voice asks from behind us, making me jump. “What’s the matter?”
Spinning around and roughly scrubbing my face, I try to sound normal as I reply, “I’m… I’m fine, Jared. Don’t worry about it…”
He just continues to cautiously move closer, obviously not buying my lie. I feel Josh leave the space beside me, and suddenly it’s just Jared and me in the kitchen. “Jensen?”
“Hey, I’m okay Jay… I’m just… it doesn’t matter… Come here,” I pull him up against me, wrapping my arms firmly around him and burying my face in his hair, trying to shove away the fear of losing him, instead inhaling his gentle scent and squeezing my eyes shut.
I smile against his neck as he returns the hug, his warm hands slipping across the bare skin of my back, clutching me closer.
“Did you sleep well?” I breathe into his ear.
“Mmmm,” his lips move gently against my shoulder, “Woke up cold…”
I laugh in that half-crying way and clutch him tighter, “Sorry, probably my fault.”
“’s okay… warm now…” he murmurs.
My fingers slide up to cup the side of his face, tilting it upwards. As his soft eyes meet mine, bearing no sign of fear or nervousness, a burst of joy races through me and I gently thumb his cheek, “Hey…”
He smiles shyly, dimples forming beneath my fingers and a flush heating up his skin. “Hey…”
As if drawn by a magnetic force, I find myself swaying forwards, wanting to be closer but not quite sure how to achieve it. The brush of his lips against mine serves as an electric shock, and I jerk backwards, “Shit. I’m… oh, god…” I reach out for his wide-eyed form again, rubbing my hands down his arms, “I’m sorry, Jay. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry.”
His hand shakily reaches up, fingers trailing over his lips as if he can’t quite believe what just happened. “Fuck…” I murmur softly, trying to ignore the wave of heat that spreads through me at the sight. Taking a step back, I quickly turn around, pinching the bridge of my nose and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Jared’s a kid, and not only that, he’s also been abused his whole life. The last thing he needs is some perverted teacher confusing him even more.
“Okay,” I clear my throat, “Breakfast. What do you feel like?”
When I spin back around, he jumps slightly, “Uhm…” his fingers fall from his lips. “Pancakes?”
“Awesome,” I smile at him, “You going to help?”
“I… I don’t know how…”
“Neither did I ‘till I had to leave my momma’s cooking.” The moment the words leave my lips, I feel like cursing.
He’s silent for a few moments, his eyes fixed on something outside the window. His voice is barely a whisper when he looks back at me, “Tell me about her… please?”
“Well… she’s… Uh, she’s… well…” taking a breath, I continue, “She’s solid.”
Jared turns around with a raised eyebrow, meets my gaze and his lips quirk into a bemused smile.
“Shut up,” I growl, but I’m unable to hide how pleased I am that he’s smiling again.
“Solid?”
“Yeah, and I didn’t mean fat, okay? I mean, she’s always there when I need her, whether it’s to scold me for being an idiot or to hug me when I’m feeling down. Her pies are the best thing I’ve ever tasted, and she smells of cherry blossoms. She used to chase me and my brother around the house with a fly swatter when we teased Ms. Jody, the elderly woman across the road, and she used to patch us up when we fell out of tree house.”
Jared’s expression softens, but he isn’t as distant as before, instead he just looks wistful. “And she loves you.”
“Yeah.”
He hoists himself up onto the counter, staring down at his folded hands. “My… my mom used to sing… Does your mom sing?”
“She used to. All the old lullabies like Hush-a-bye, rockabye baby-”
“Twinkle twinkle little star?”
“Yeah, that too.”
A small smile forms at the corner of his lips, even as his eyes glaze with moisture, “When… when everything… when it all gets too much… I… always look out my window, up at the stars… and sometimes…” his voice cracks, “Sometimes I can hear her… she sounds so beautiful…” A single tear trickles down his cheek, but he quickly scrubs it away and laughs, “Stupid, huh?”
“No…” I move to stand before him, reaching up to grip the back of his neck and press our foreheads together, “Not stupid at all.”
“I killed her,” he breathes brokenly. “It’s my fault…she… I wish it had been me…”
“Jay,” I murmur, pressing my lips his brow, “Don’t think like that. Don’t ever think like that, okay?”
He chokes brokenly, ducking forward to hide his face against my neck. “I’m sorry… I’m… I’m sorry…”
“Shhhhh, you’re allowed to miss her.”
As if my words trigger something, his body falls limply against mine as he quickly dissolves into harsh, raw sobs that rake through him, all his pent up grief pouring out of him in a seemingly unending storm. Feeling utterly useless, all I can do is hold him through it, whispering words that he probably can’t even hear into his ears and praying for his pain to ease. There’s only so much a person can bear and Jared’s been through far more than any kid should.
“Just let it all out…” I breathe quietly, stroking his silken hair back.
Over his shoulder, I see Josh stepping into the kitchen, his eyes soft with concern. He raises an eyebrow in silent question, but I minutely shake my head and he leaves.
Slowly, the sobs fall away, replaced with shuddering breaths as he gasps for some control. Carefully reaching behind him, I grab some tissues and nudge him with my shoulder so I can see his face. With a small smile, I plaster the tissues against his skin, hiding his tears behind them.
He gives a shaky laugh and reaches up to grab the tissues, wiping his face as he pulls them away. When he looks up again, the only signs left of his breakdown are his glistening eyes and his flushed cheeks. “Thank you…” he gets out with a small, wobbly smile, his gaze falling to the side sheepishly. “I… I didn’t realize I was such a baby…”
“Hey, shut it,” I reply fondly, “You’re not. You’ve just never been allowed to properly mourn her. She was your mother, you loved her.”
Jared’s silent for a few moments, frowning down at the tiles. But when he looks up, his eyes are bright, “She used to make me hot chocolate every morning. I was… I was still holding my mug when…” he cuts off.
So that’s why he freaked out when I gave him a cup. It was probably his first time having it since his mother’s death. “Can you tell me what happened?” I nudge gently, shifting closer to him.
Leaning against my shoulder slightly, he tips his head back, his eyes fixing on the ceiling. “We…We used to go to Susie’s house… She would look after me while my mom was working…”
“Susie?” I ask quickly, wondering what happened to her.
“Yeah… she was so nice… She was going to take me to the beach…. But… my mom was leaving and I just wanted to tell her I loved her…. So I did… she looked back, said she loved me too… she was stopped in the middle of the road and she didn’t see the car…” his breath catches and he glances away.
“It’s not your fault, Jared. You hear me? Not your fault.”
He nods slowly, looking completely unconvinced.
“What happened to Susie?”
Jared shrugs, “Dad didn’t like her, told her not to visit anymore. Said he could look after me himself.”
“Do you remember her last name?”
He frowns, chewing his bottom lip. “No, but we moved here after my mom died, so she’s back in our old town.”
Realising we’ve spoken about this for too long, I stand upright, “Come on, I think we were making pancakes and Jim will be here later.”
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore
Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone
♥
