Broken circle:
Their friendship has always been whole. Like a circle - neverending and infinite. But things start to fall apart after Danneel 'invades' the house. "No," Jared quickly denied, wincing again as he realised just how quickly he'd spoken. "No, of course it's not about that. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough bringing her here, I mean... she's your girl and the house is also yours, so... no, it's definitely not about her."
6,000 words, NC-17, confusion, bottom!Jared, some Jared/OMC
♥
Jared glared at the screen, wondering why it was off. He was so sure it had been on when he'd fallen asleep, and he knew Jensen would have been out all evening. "Jen?" he called softly, peering through the darkness. "You here?"
No reply came, and he got unsteadily to his feet. Maybe Jensen had already gone to bed, but that didn't make any sense, the man would have woken him. Jared crept down the passageway, grabbing a vase from a nearby cabinet and clutching it to his chest like a baby.
The light was on in Jensen's room, but Jared had to make sure. Pushing the door ajar, he sneaked a glance inside, blanching and nearly dropping the porcelain at the sight before him. After a few moments of silent gaping, he staggered backwards, nearly falling on his ass a few times as he managed to navigate towards his own bedroom and deposit the vase safely.
The sight of Jensen's lean back, Jensen's lean naked back, was burned into his retinas; he couldn't get it out of his head. "Fuck," he swore softly, vowing to never again open a door without knocking.
Danneel's slender legs, digging into the soft globes of Jensen's ass made Jared shiver, both in arousal and in disgust at himself for being aroused. It had never been an issue between them. Jared had always made it clear that Jensen was welcome to bring Danneel over, that the house was as much Jensen's as it was his. But... somehow he'd never actually thought of the logistics.
Walking in on Jensen doing it... Jared shuddered again, desperately trying to get it out of his mind. "Fuck," he swore, standing quickly and opening a nearby cabinet, pulling out his secret supply.
Two minutes later, he was clutching at his skull and moaning softly at the shooting pain. He made a quick note to himself to never down a flask of whiskey in one go. Then he began laughing at himself, because he'd seen Jensen's naked ass before.They were guys: they'd been skinny dipping before. This whole thing wasn't such a big deal. He'd just go to bed and forget everything.
That sounded like a grand plan, Jared nodded to himself and quickly began to strip, shrugging out of his shirt and cursing as he tripped out of his jeans.
Throwing himself down on the bed with a groan, he began 'forgetting' everything.
Easier said than done. Jared cursed again as a soft moan made its way through the walls. It was a low, male moan: Jensen's. Rolling onto his stomach, Jared buried his head under the pillows, desperately trying not to hear his best friend having sex. It didn't work.
Finally. Finally. The sounds died down and blissful silence filled the air. Jared breathed out a soft sigh of relief, wondering whether he could cut the past few hours from his memory.
♥
The next morning was awkward in a way that they'd never been. And Jared knew it was his fault. Jensen had no clue why Jared jumped at every sound and scuttled away when the older man came near.
And... the absolute worst... when Danneel showed up, wearing Jensen's t-shirt in a cliché, all American girl sort of way, her slim legs appearing from beneath them, no sign of any pants whatsoever. Jared let out an almost squeak, and nodded a jerky smile at her before escaping under the pretence of a run.
Only he'd forgotten his trainers.
Letting out a soft groan, he sank to the ground and buried his head in his hands, wondering why the hell he was overreacting like this. He knew Danneel and Jensen had sex, they were together, obviously they had sex, but... he'd never actually pictured it, and now picturing it was all he seemed able to do. "I am so fucked up," he muttered through his fingers.
"Yeah, I noticed, now... you mind telling me why you look like you've seen a fucking ghost?" Jensen's voice had Jared jumping up guiltily, trying to scrub away whatever could be showing on his face.
"I..." Jared started, eyes darting everywhere but his friend's face. "I... just had a bad dream last night... still... haven't shaken it off..."
"Oh..." Jensen's warm fingers gripped Jared's jaw, forcing him to look up and into the older man's eyes.
"What was the dream about?"
"Uh..." Jared quickly racked his brain for something legitimate. "Clowns... it was... uh... yeah, it was about clowns..."
"Clowns?" Jensen's eyebrow rose slightly, and Jared nodded jerkily.
"Yeah, clowns... uh... guess Sam's phobia is bleedin' into me or something..."
"Right... uh... you do know that episode was sometime last year, don't you?"
Jared chuckled nervously, cursing himself for not picking something more recent, like... Lucifer or the apocalypse… something. Clowns? Honestly. "Well... uh... sometimes it takes me a while to process things..." then he winced, realising he'd just put himself down as an idiot.
"Are you sure it's not about Danneel being here?" Jensen asked quietly.
"No," Jared quickly denied, wincing again as he realised just how quickly he'd spoken. "No, of course it's not about that. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough bringing her here, I mean... she's your girl and the house is also yours, so... no, it's definitely not about her."
Jensen looked slightly more convinced, and his smile was unquestionably genuine. "Yeah, you can't imagine how happy she was when I invited her back here. She's... I don't know, she likes to know that the house isn't out of bounds for her, you know?"
"Why... why would it be out of bounds for her?" Jared asked in complete confusion. To his surprise, Jensen flushed and coughed weakly in an attempt to hide it.
"I... well... she... for some reason..." Jensen gestured between him and Jared, "Well... what you and me have... well... uh, it's kind of... different from other friendships... you know?"
"Yeah," Jared nodded dumbly.
"And... well... I don't know... she doesn't... I guess she sees her being here as intruding or something.... which..." Jensen glanced nervously up at Jared, "Which is just crap... you know? I mean, obviously whoever you date is... uh, welcome at home and... well, the same goes for her."
Jared barely managed not to gape. This was probably the first time Jensen had babbled in front of him. Other people, who Jensen felt uncomfortable with, were babbled to. Not once had Jared ever been one of the people to be babbled to.
Realising Jensen was still waiting for a response and was also rubbing at his neck, another sign of him being nervous (and another first for when talking to Jared), the younger man stuttered, "Yeah... yeah, course... Uhm... I'm going to go for a quick run, like I said... I uh... I'm trying to see how bad it is without shoes, you know, try the whole outdoorsy thing?"
"Sure... sure... I'll get started on breakfast, shall I?"
"Sounds awesome," Jared yelled back, already beginning to hightail it.
♥
As the distance between him and Jensen grew, Jared began contemplating what had gone wrong. It didn't make any sense, because Jared was obviously okay with Jensen bringing girls over... but... there was a 'but' there and he didn't get it.
He felt like their home had been... invaded? No, that would be the wrong word... maybe... Well, their home had definitely been altered for some reason. Everything felt different. Maybe Jared was doing something wrong; maybe he should be doing the same...
Only... Jared had recently realised he was more inclined towards the male side of the population and had yet to break it to his housemate. There just hadn't been an opportunity to slip in, 'Oh, hey, Jensen. I'm bi, just thought you should know'. And maybe that was just it.
♥
Jared left for the bar at about nine, scoping the area for a likely target. He wasn't like this, not normally. He wanted the wine and dine sort of relationship, but things were getting desperate. He had to show Jensen that he was okay with Danneel being over frequently. And this would really show him just how okay it was.
As Jared sat down, ordering a couple of shots, his gaze fell on a man nearby. The man was handsome in the rugged, manly sort of way; he was bigger than Jared too, which was a definite attraction. Jared wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone who could hold him down. But... there was something in the man's eyes that Jared didn't quite like.
No... Jared turned his gaze elsewhere. He didn't feel right about that man. A few moments later, someone sidled up to him, and he turned to find sharp blue eyes gazing at him. "Can I buy your next few?" the man asked, laying a hand lightly on Jared's shoulder.
Biting back a smile at how lucky he was tonight, Jared nodded, leaning into the man's touch slightly. "Sure, I'm Jared, by the way."
"Dave," the man replied with a warm smile.
♥
♥
Dave's lips were smooth and perfect against Jared's as the man kissed him to within an inch of his life. They pulled apart gasping for air and chuckling against each other's skin. "You're so fucking gorgeous," the man growled, tugging at Jared's belt, "I wanna suck you. Can I suck you?"
"Mmm," Jared groaned, so dizzy with lust that he nearly forgot his original plan. "No..." he batted at Dave's hands and pulled the man back up, "Let's go back to my place, huh?"
The way Dave's eyes lit up sent a spike of guilt shooting through the younger man, but he swallowed it down. This was just a one night stand, they both knew that. And... well, if Dave wanted more, it wasn't as though Jared was currently taken. And Dave was hot.
♥
Stumbling through the front door with Dave's lips pressed against his and a hot erection rubbing at his through their jeans, Jared gave a small squeak as he turned to find Jensen's wide eyes staring at them. "Jen," he murmured, his throat thick with arousal.
Dave's desperate movements stilled and all three of them stared in silence. "Boyfriend?" Dave muttered darkly from behind him and Jared quickly turned back to the man, running a soothing hand across his shoulders.
"No... no, just my housemate... Come on, I'll show you my room." As Jared tugged Dave towards his room, he glanced over his shoulder at Jensen and mouthed an apology. Why he was apologizing, he had no clue. This had been the plan anyway, so why was he feeling so guilty?
Jared did try and keep his moans down, not wanting to disturb Jensen any more, but occasionally when Dave hit that spot inside of him and had him arching up in pleasure, he couldn't hold back his screams.
Afterwards, Jared lay in David's arms, curled around the man's chest as their breathing calmed. Dave's hand was tentative as it stroked down Jared's spine, and the man's voice was low and uncertain when he asked, "You... uh... you want me out of here? Or... or can..."
Jared interrupted quickly, "Of course you can stay; I'd love you to stay." He could feel Dave's smile against the side of his neck as the man nuzzled him, and Jared had to admit it was nice. Really nice.
♥
Morning was awkward, just as awkward as the morning after Danneel's first night there and Jared could only think it fair.
Jensen jumped when Jared stepped into the kitchen, the man's eyes exhausted as if he hadn't had much sleep, and his voice was pitched slightly higher when he responded to Jared's offer of an omelette.
But the best was the expression on Jensen's face as Dave emerged, smiling at them and moving instantly towards Jared, brushing their lips together and placing his hands firmly at Jared's waist, murmuring, “Mornin'..." against the younger man's cheek before pulling away and turning towards Jensen. ”Hey, uhm... we weren't properly introduced last night. I'm Dave, Jared's... uh..." he trailed off, glancing towards Jared.
"My boyfriend," Jared confirmed, nodding slightly. He really liked Dave, and it was clear that the man was pretty cool, so they should get on really well.
Jensen nodded jerkily, looking for all the world like a cornered rabbit as he replied, "Jensen.... Jared's housemate, I guess..."
♥
Jensen brought up the question during their lunch break as they piled food on their plates, his voice pitched low, “So… you’re gay?”
Swallowing thickly, Jared nodded, “Yeah. Well, technically I’m bi.” He shot a nervous glance at his friend, “That going to be a problem?”
“I…” Jensen’s gaze remained fixed on his macaroni. “No… of course not, man. You know I’m not homophobic.”
Jared relaxed slightly, letting out the breath he’d been unconsciously holding. “Good.”
“It’s just…” Jensen sounded hurt, “Didn’t you think you could trust me?”
“What?”
The older man shrugged, “Well, I don’t know what to think, man. I’ve known you for ages and I thought you were comfortable telling me anything… And… this is a big ‘something’.”
“Jensen, no.” Jared reached out ruffle his friend’s hair, “It’s nothing like that. It’s a pretty recent thing, just the past month or so. And obviously I know I can talk to you about everything. You got that when I told you about my smarties theory.”
This had the desired effect, and Jensen huffed a laugh.
“So… we okay?” Jared asked softly, letting them into his trailer.
“Yeah…. We’re good.” Jensen settled down on the couch. “And… Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“Uhm… well…” the older man shrugged noncommittally. “You really got a boyfriend?”
Jared waggled his eyebrows, “You wanna pass notes and talk about his gorgeouseyes?”
Snorting a laugh, Jensen shook his head, “I’ll pass, thanks.”
“But, Jen…” Jared pouted, “If I can’t gossip with my bestest friend in the whole wide world about all the pretty boys in town, who can I gossip with?”
“Dude,” Jensen spluttered, “Enough already.”
Jared shot him a grin and reached out to grab the packet of gummi bears sitting on the counter behind Jensen. When he pulled back, the man’s face was red.
Like a kick to the stomach, the realisation made Jared stumble back, the candy dropping to the floor with a silent thud. “You’re uncomfortable around me now,” he stated, eyes searching Jensen’s for any signs that he’s wrong.
The older man just looked away, cheeks even redder. The bitter taste at the back of Jared’s throat intensified and he had to swallow thickly before he could speak again. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, silently turning around and exiting the trailer.
“Jared, wait!” the man yelled behind him, but Jared only sped up, needing to get away from his friend as quickly as possible.
He’d never actually thought it through, what it meant to be gay. In his mind it had just been him being able to love a man as intimately as he could love a woman. He hadn’t thought of ‘coming out’ or how it would affect the relationship between Jensen and him. Obviously Jensen felt uneasy around him now. He’d confessed to wanting guys and Jensen was practically the hottest guy you could find, it’s not that hard for Jensen to make the assumption that Jared wanted him like that.
And was he far wrong? Lately it’d been harder for Jared to get the image of Jensen fucking out of his mind. But it hadn’t been Danneel getting fucked. No… Jared had been the one digging his heels into Jensen’s ass, pulling him deeper.
Now Jensen had realised this, their friendship was going to crumble away. Jensen wouldn’t want his best friend to have a crush on him – let alone be in love with him.
In love with him… was that really how he felt?
Not that it’d matter anyway.
Shaking himself, Jared blinked the moisture from his eyes and took a deep breath. He was being pathetic. He had never expected anything from Jensen beside his friendship. That hadn’t changed.
Besides, he had Dave now, and Dave was an amazing guy.
Jared needed to speak to Jensen soon, ease his fears. He spun around and headed back to the trailer. The older man was slumped on the couch, his head in hands, but when Jared entered, he snapped upright, moving towards Jared with his arm outstretched, “Jare…”
As Jared placed a hand on his chest, his friend fell silent, his gaze fixed on where Jared’s fingers pressed against his shirt. Jared’s insides tightened painfully again, but he just pressed the older man back down on the couch. “I need to talk to you.”
Jensen watched with wide eyes as Jared folded himself onto the opposite chair: the usually unused opposite chair because Jared’s normal spot was right beside his friend on the couch. Neither of them mentioned it.
Taking a deep breath, Jared began, “Okay. I know it’s recent. This whole me being gay thing. But I don’t want things to be weird between us. Just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I want to jump every male in the area. So… you don’t have to worry about me molesting you or anything like that. Jensen, you’re my best friend… I don’t want us to... Sam and Dean have lost each other enough… Can we just… I don’t know…”
Jensen gaped like a fish for a few seconds before he nodded jerkily, “Yeah… yeah, sure….”
“Awesome.” Jared moved in for a hug like he normally would and tried to ignore the way Jensen tensed in his arms. It hurt. But he hoped all Jensen needed was time.♥
